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September 10, 2010 / Nick

Big Brother

So the circus is leaving town, and this time it won’t be back next summer, kids. It was a controversial, opinion-dividing TV show, but anything that goes on for 10 years wasn’t ever likely to be loved or loathed uniquely (Just ask Tony Blair).

Many have bemoaned the rise of reality TV programmes since the turn of the new millennium, and quite rightly too I say. The vast majority of reality TV programmes are crass, cheap and exploitative (I sometimes wake up in the morning and wonder ‘what in the name of John Logie-Baird was Celebrity Love Island?!’). By contrast,  Big Brother has always been keen to demonstrate its many safeguards and fair-editing rules.

Whatever you may think of Big Brother, it represents a historic chapter in television and one that has reached its logical conclusion.

10 Years of Big Brother Quotes

(Big Brother 1)
“I…made a mistake.”

(Big Brother 1)
“Last one in, last one out, Big Brother.”

(Big Brother 2)
“I think you are small, smug and shit.”

(Big Brother 2)
“I love blinking, I do.”

(Big Brother 3)

(Big Brother 3)
“May god strike me down right now if she didn’t say ‘eugh’.”

(Big Brother 4)
“I think I’ll put me own thumb over the top of her windpipe.”

(Big Brother 5)
“He called me thick. He called me Jade Goodyear.”

(Big Brother 5)
“I’m not a sandwich.”

(Big Brother 5)
“Where’s the lemon meringue? Oh, it’s on your breasts.”

(Big Brother 5)
“I’m not against swearing. I think I’m against writing swear words.”

Jackie Stallone
(Celebrity Big Brother 3)
“Yeah, Brackie.”

John McCririck

(Celebrity Big Brother 3)
“How DARE you!”

Brigitte Nielsen

(Celebrity Big Brother 3)

(Big Brother 6)
“Whatever, Minger.”
“Bring it on, you motherfunky”

(Big Brother 6)
“At the end of the day, it’s dog eat dog. End of.”

(Big Brother 6)
“You’re not having a bath. You’re standing in a bin looking like a idiot.”

(Big Brother 6)
“Come on, head-dress. Don’t let me down, bitch.”
“Geek Chic is very big. Very circa February 2005.”

George Galloway
(Celebrity Big Brother 4)
“Would you like me to be the cat?”

Pete Burns
(Celebrity Big Brother 4)
“My coat has been arrested?!”

(Big Brother 7)
“Oh, shut up! Oh, shut up! Oh, Shut up!”

(Big Brother 7)
“Hot Topics, Hot Topics, with Imogen”

(Big Brother 7)
“Who is she?! Where did you find her?”

(Big Brother 7)
“I’m cooking an egg for the very first time, aah-ummm”

Donny Tourette
(Celebrity Big Brother 5)
“I’m not waiting hand and foot on some fucking moron and her family.”

Jackiey Budden
(Celebrity Big Brother 5)
“I don’t understand your name.”

Leo Sayer
(Celebrity Big Brother 5)
“I’m leaving the house guys, because they will not provide me with underwear.”

Shilpa Shetty
(Celebrity Big Brother 5)
“‘Duck Benedict’. It sounds like a dish.”

(Big Brother 8)
“Shit just flies straight out of her mouth and sprays everyone in the face.”
“Who’s Sarah?!”

(Big Brother: Celebrity Hijack)
“Fierce. Fierce. Fierce. Fierce. Now you’re vulnerable.”

(Big Brother 9)
“I’ve got a very, very, very, very, very strong team outside the house.”
“‘member I told you.”

(Big Brother 9)
“Belinda, Belinda, Belinda.”

(Big Brother 10)
“His breath is absolutely hoaching. It gives me the boke.”

(Big Brother 10)
“I know you can, so go ahead and try.”

(Big Brother 10)
“I am the irrepressible dark horse.”

(Big Brother 10)
“Nanoo Nanoo!”

(Big Brother 11)
“But your girlfriend’s a girl!”

(Big Brother 11)
“I thought there’d be more reception rooms. Somewhere to relax and do a jigsaw puzzle.”
“I feel like Thatcher after the Poll Tax.”

Marcus Bentley (the narrator)
(Big Brother 6)
“Makosi is in the Diary Room talking about…Makosi”
(Big Brother 10)
“Her Majesty The Queen is in the Diary Room”

To the rumours that Channel 5 might give the show a reprieve, I can only suggest to all TV commissioners what Big Brother has suggested to dozens of housemates: Please leave the Big Brother house.

Review: Sometimes delightful, sometimes unpleasant. But hey, that’s reality.


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